Thursday, November 11, 2010

Venting Session

Top 10 Truths about Bush Alaska that they don't tell you when you move here.

10. Internet service and HDMI cables, no matter what the cost, are a necessity for your sanity and connection to the outside world. **Caution: craziness is almost inavoidable.**

  1. Coastal or not, it gets frickin’ cold here and any outdoor gear brought up from the lower 48 will probably serve better as kindling for a fire, than insulation for your body.
  1. Everything is going to cost at least three times as much.
  1. Everything shipped is going to take at least three times as long.
  1. The only time anything is on sale is when it’s expired. At that point, it only costs twice as much.
  1. All flight times and destinations are subject to change and your pilot may or may not be on his cell phone the duration of your flight.
  1. Accountability for lost bypass mail falls on the shoulders of the purchaser, not the shipper.
  1. The post office gets all major holidays off. And any other day deemed appropriate by its one employee. Birthday parties, smoke breaks, trips out of town and errand-running all fall into the "holiday" category.
  1. Cell phone service is less reliable and more intermittent than the postal service.
  1. Electricity is a luxury that can and will be shut off with little or no notice, at the discretion of anyone working with live wires, on extremely cold and windy days. Always be prepared by having the following items on hand: flashlight; battery-operated camping stove; canned food; a can opener; and a working VHF.

Needless to say, it's been one of those weeks. It was teacher evaluation week, which was smooth and encouraging, followed by a number of reality checks that bounced, one right after another. My workdays have been extended three, going on four, nights out of five, and the weekends seem to disappear as quickly as the daylight has these recent days. Daylight-savings time, while nice that first Sunday morning, has left me restless by 6am and sleepy about twelve hours later. Students are traveling and a recent death in the village has cast a gloomy shadow over our students and community members. While it'll be nice to have a half day tomorrow morning (Friday) I feel like time to make progress is dwindling as we approach holiday season. And knowing that anything I give is better than what they've gotten in the past, I'm struggling with the concept that anything is good enough. I don't have a complacent bone in my body, and it seems the more I talk with people who've been here for a while, the more I get this notion that I'm going to have to lower my expectations for myself and everyone around me in order to feel a sense of accomplishment or like we've even settled in.

There's a very thin line between challenging a student to reach his potential and stepping on the toes of a dwindling culture, already feeling the pressures from modern-day society crowding in on it. Walking that line on a daily basis has become exhausting; which makes it easy to feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. A little positive reinforcement or constructive criticism goes a very long way with me, and it was just what I needed from my principal to ignite the fire that's driven me in my position. But with Friday less than three hours away, I'm beginning to feel that fire fizzle and I find myself in need of some encouraging words to help refocus my frame of mind. I'm hoping once I've vented it all out, I'll have a clear mind to process any feedback.

Meanwhile, I'm celebrating every small success I can get my hands on. Today, one of my students who started the year reading 65 words per minute, read 155 words per minute, fluently. He felt silly talking like "Ms. Good," but he had fun developing a rhythm with his words, voice intonation and fluctuation. He really provided me with a series of happy moments in the day to remind me of why I do what I do. I think today will be the start of a journal, highlighting one good thing to end the day on, as it's easy to focus on the negatives when we have ample time to think.

Still loving any notes, emails, phone calls, pictures, etc. sent this way. As the holiday season approaches, familiar faces from outside the village are a good reminder of how lucky we are to have loved ones to miss so much.

Love you all,

Brie

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